FAQ - Cruising Yachts and Gear

What do you miss most about being plugged into the system other than family and friends?

Wow – that’s a toughie! Chris and I thought maybe it’d be good to answer this separately – kind of a boy versus girl thing, but after reading each other's answers we both agree with the other:
KT:  Sometimes I miss the ease of things. That might sound a little off given that most people think we are on a permanent vacation and we aren’t working, but ‘chores’ that were maybe slightly time consuming but more or less mundane back home are all day events cruising, and things that you don’t even think twice about back home consume endless hours of thought & preparation on a boat.

I don’t miss driving, but one has to admit it makes life easier – it is easier to drive to the grocery store than to walk 3 miles or figure out a bus in a foreign language. Having endless amounts of water is easier then trying to stay aware of how much water you have and when you’ll next be able to get or make some. At home who cares if it’s raining outside, but on a boat it really effects you. Going 50 miles to the next town at home is a no-brainer, going in a boat might be two day sails in light winds and you have research anchorages and weather before departing. Who cares about rain and wind driving a car, but going ashore in a dinghy (basically the cruiser’s car) in chop, wind, and/or rain means a wet ride and leaves you feeling like a drowned rat once ashore.

I guess I feel that at home you can just kind of run on autopilot a lot, but cruising almost everything has to be thought through. Sometimes it’s fun, it’s an adventure, it’s different, but other times it’s just a pain-in-the-ass. That said the extra effort it takes to do things is ALWAYS worth it – this is a great life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

Chris:  I miss feeling connected (when we were in outer small islands without any internet or phone service). Of course now, in the Med, we are feeling quite connected so it’s no big thing. I also miss “thinking technical”… not so much working, but that type of brainstorming and fixed routine and brainwork. And finally I miss not worrying about weather … our life revolves around weather and we spend hours reading weather forecasts and trying to plan and trying to “do the best thing”.

Do you guys plan on having a family when you come back? If yes, when?

We do, and that is the main reason we even have a time limit on our cruise. When we initially left we figured on 2-5 years … two being the minimum to fully enjoy and settle into the life of cruising, and five hitting on the edge for our age when we should be returning to jobs and having children (we are, by the way, 34 and 41 [as of 09/2008]). Everyone says they think it’s great we went while younger – but I guess we won’t really know how it will work out until we try to find jobs and have a family. As of right now we have been cruising just over 4 and half years and on our current schedule won’t actual be home for another two years – so we’re a little behind schedule!  Since we are now in the Mediterranean, where there is access to more things (i.e. medical care), and not as many overnight passages, we are considering starting the family now instead of waiting until we return home.

You and Chris really seem to have a strong relationship and you both seem to have grown together during your voyage. From a relationship standpoint, what advice would you give to a couple who are thinking about cruising? What I mean is a 40 foot vessel is a pretty small space for two people for an extended period of time.

This was one of the most asked questions prior to our departure ... "how will you guys get along & survive on that tiny thing?". First, the most important thing is that you are on somewhat solid ground before leaving.  A rare few leave with rocky marriages thinking "cruising will make it better". Of course it doesn't work that way - cruising is not all sunsets & drinks under the palm tree. And living in tight quarters with someone does require a good relationship foundation.
I think the things that make a relationship work on a boat are the same things that make it work on land; Communication, Patience, & Understanding.

Cruising and boat life will bring about a lot of changes and a lot of different experiences. You will need to find your own way of communicating that works. Don't hold things in and let them boil to a head, but rather talk about the issues, and talk about what changes can be made to help alleviate some of the problems. This, obviously, is not so different then living on land. Both people have to be flexible and both need to understand that there will be times ahead when both of you are out of your element and not knowing how to handle something. Don't be in a hurry. It takes a while to get used to cruising, living on a boat, and being in such close quarters. Don't expect to hop aboard and not have a single hitch, but rather know that there will be some things that you both will have to discover and work through.

Before we departed, I read a cruising book for women, by a woman. Overall the book was a bit "cheesey", but there was one section that I got it kick out it. She suggested that a cruising couple have a special hat. Either person could wear this hat whenever they were needing some space or alone time - it would basically mean, "please don't talk me, we'll discuss things later, after I've had some time". I told Chris about this hat and he said, "yeah, we could call it the f-u hat!". Anyway it became this huge joke between us, and we figured if we had one "f-u hat" then we'd need another hat that meant "no, f-u"! We never did get a special hat, but I guess the point is that you will learn to find "space" on the boat when you need away time. If you are anchored/moored than you can take off on a swim or go ashore for a walk. If you are on a long passage then you'll probably be too tired to fight anyway :) Also you'll find that you make a number of friends along the way, and while you might be thinking these issues only occur on your boat you'll quickly discover many of the issues are common amongst the fleet and people are happy to share how they "solved" them. Also, you'll find there are plenty of people to go "off" with when on land, giving you time away from each other - and we've even had girl & boy nights (where all the girls went to one yacht and all the boys went to another).

What we have seen cruising is that the strength of a relationship tends to grow and develop on a boat and it is more normal than not that "long term" cruising couples have extremely strong relationships.

One big difference in the "real world" versus cruising is that in the "real world" one partner may have a bad day or week, and typically the other partner then becomes the 'rock', helping the other to get through the difficult time. Most the time with cruising your bad days will be shared. If something goes wrong (weather, breakages, etc), then you both will be struggling through it together. At first this seems daunting - you can't BOTH have a bad day at the same time! But once you start to figure out that together you can work through it, then you start to realize just how great your relationship is. Also, on the upside is that you both will be able to share the good days as well. Overall you tend to become more in sync.

When we departed I did wonder how we would manage, I knew we had a good base, but wasn't sure just how well we'd do on the boat.  Ironically, five years later, I am worried about returning to land! Cruising can be hard and space is limited, but the rewards are so great that I think overall we are both less stressed, and since we are in sync it is easier to understand what the other is going through on a "bad day". I worry that when we get back to the "real world" with jobs and finances, and such, that we will be out of sync and not know how to deal with it - and that we will be so busy trying to "live" that we will forget to sit still with each other and enjoy "the moment".
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